


rebel red carnations

by joshiesfreckles



Series: All Joshler *Books* [2]
Category: BLURRYFACE - Twenty One Pilots (Album), Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Gen, Hate to Love, High School, Love/Hate, M/M, Slow Build, pete wentz - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-11-18 21:01:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 40
Words: 12,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18126437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshiesfreckles/pseuds/joshiesfreckles
Summary: car·na·tion/kärˈnāSH(ə)n/nounplural noun: carnationsa double-flowered cultivated variety of clove pink, with gray-green leaves and showy pink, white, or red flowers.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lowkey excited for this book owo

It’s cold.

Just cold enough that the wind blows through Tyler’s sweater, goosebumps rising on his skin. He’s walking to school, it’s the first day of winter and he wonders why he didn’t wear a heavier coat. Tyler lets out a shaky breath as he picks up his pace, almost running on his tiptoes to get to school. He could see his breath.

“Tyler! Wait!” A voice calls behind him, Tyler shivers and spins around. He giggles as Jenna trips, prominent goosebumps rising on her slightly tanned skin. She doesn’t have a coat on. Tyler curses to himself. They’re still 5 minutes away from the school building, Jenna’s shaking in the cold.

“Jen,” Tyler breathes, his breath causing white smoke to fly into the wind, “You’re gonna freeze! Jesus.” He hastily pulls off his sweater, cursing to himself in his head as he realizes just how  _ warm  _ the fabric was. He doesn’t have time to regret the decision. 

“N-No, keep it, I’m fine.” They both wipe their noses, the wind burning Tyler’s nostrils. Tyler scoffs, wrapping the sweater around Jenna’s shoulders and grinning at the appreciative sigh that left her lips. Tyler checks the time on his phone, gasping.

“We’re gonna be late! C’mon!” Tyler begins running, hearing the short intake of breath from Jenna before she chases after him. Tyler couldn’t be late, he’d already missed too much school. Granted, he’s 16 - he could drop out. He shakes his head as he sees the familiar building come into sight, slowing down at the gates and gasping for breath.

“Great, now my chest hurts.” Jenna groans, clutching the sleeves of the sweater. The fabric is a light pink color, it feels nice on her arms and she appreciates Tyler’s friendship. Tyler laughs, punching her shoulder.

“At least you have my sweater! I'm freezing, Jen.” Tyler whines, Jenna rolls her eyes and gasps excitedly as she spots Debby.

Debby Ryan, Joshua Dun's ex. Tyler did like Debby, nobody should think any different - after all, Jenna's been crushing on her since the 5th grade and finally got a date with the redhead - but he doesn’t exactly like the ties with capital A asshole Josh, who's targeted Tyler for his bullying. They’re still friends, he doesn’t want Jenna getting involved with the wrong crowd.

Debby spots Jenna and turns her attention from Josh, who'd been ranting about something Tyler could only assume was related to a shitty game he'd bought. Jenna tugged on his arm, successfully getting the frail boy to move towards the small group gathered by the school entrance. He was cold, hesitating to tell Jenna he was ready to enter the building - but it was obvious that she was set on saying hi to her girlfriend.

“We can go inside after we say hi. Promise.” Jenna seemed to read his mind, Tyler shivered. Her hand was warm around his wrist, tripping over his own feet as Jenna tugs him harder. He stumbles, crashing into someone's body and breathing out a shaky breath at the warmth radiating from said body. Tyler hurried to stand up, chuckles from the rest of the group reaching Tyler’s ears.

A warm hand grabbed his bare arm, pulling him up to stand and Tyler barely had time to look up before a jacket was placed around his shoulders. He turned to thank the person, gasping when he caught eyes with a smirking Josh Dun.

 

“Careful, Sweetheart. You’ll hurt yourself.”


	2. can't stop thinking about if and when i die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa i'm actually excited for a chaptered book. i haven't written one in so long and i'm kinda excited for this one????

Tyler’s screwed. 

He’s screwed as he sits in 7th period, ready for the dismissal bell, and lets out a sigh as he messes with the sleeves of his jacket.  _ Joshua’s jacket,  _ Tyler reminds himself, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He’d be lying if the obviously sarcastic pet name from Josh didn’t mess with him. He’s glad Josh isn’t in any classes with him, but he was still teased endlessly by Melanie, Jenna, and Patrick at lunch when they noticed he was still wearing Joshua’s jacket.

_ “It’s warm. I’m gonna give it back after school. Jeez.”  _ Tyler had said, ending the conversation with an annoyed sigh. It’s still cold out, apparently - his phone reads 34 degrees. Jenna was going to wear his sweater, probably claim it as hers, Tyler knew that. So he’s screwed when he goes to walk home from school. The bell rings, causing Tyler to jolt. He jumps up, grabs his backpack and bolts for the classroom door.

He’s outside before he knows it, breathing in the freezing air and waiting for Joshua. He groaned in annoyance, realizing the 17-year-old was probably going to wait to get out last. He ignored Jenna, Melanie, and Patrick as they walk past, huffing when Debby makes her way over and slings an arm around Jenna’s shoulders.

Finally, Tyler spots Josh, pushing his way through the few students left and stopping right before the pink hue. Josh clicks his tongue, smirking at his jacket that adorned Tyler’s skinny frame.

“You can have your jacket back.” Tyler goes to take the fabric off his shoulders, interrupted by Josh’s ‘tsk.’ Tyler looks up at the teen with an expectant look on his face, raising an eyebrow.

“Keep it, sweetheart. You’ll freeze without it. I have plenty just like it.” Josh winks, chewing gum that Tyler didn’t know he had. Tyler ran his fingers through his hair, eyes catching the nose ring Joshua had in. His gauges were bigger than Tyler last remembers - Tyler thought it was just his hair that had changed. It had been blue, but now it was bubblegum pink, faded from its original hot pink color.

Tyler hesitates, scoffing. He wasn’t used to Josh being so  _ nice -  _ well, nice for his standards anyway. “I don’t need it.” Tyler goes to continue taking it off, Josh grabs his wrist and rolls his eyes.

“I said keep it, Joseph.” Josh lets go of his wrist, Tyler shivers at the loss of touch. He chews on his cheek and fixes the jacket. “Besides, red doesn’t look too bad on you.” Josh winks again, Tyler stares dumbfounded as he slips by him and walks off. Tyler can admit, he was grateful, but he glances down and decides that maybe Josh is right.

 

Maybe red doesn’t look too bad on him after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on twitter - joshiesfreckles ; banditojishua  
> tumblr - joshiesfreckles ; bandito-jishua


	3. for now i see that "if" and "when" are truly different cries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler doesn't know why he loves Josh's jacket so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skhdjs josh is taller in this fic im sorry ok

The next day, Tyler wears Josh’s hoodie again. Jenna punches him in the arm when she sees it, teasing him for keeping it. He responds with a simple “you took my sweater,” and she drops it. This time Jenna doesn’t tug Tyler to the group, Tyler assures her he can walk himself. She gives him a glare but laughs anyway, smiling adoringly as Debby kisses her on the cheek.

Tyler smiles slightly, they’re great together and he thinks back to middle school when Jenna and he had dated for a little. It was a cover-up, Tyler was and still is gay and Jenna was helping him figure it out. He sighs, he’s glad that the relationship hadn’t affected anything. They’re still the same, Jenna still abuses Tyler and Tyler still abuses Jenna.

“I like your hoodie, sweetheart. Where’d you get it?” Tyler rolls his eyes at the nickname, he wouldn’t admit to himself it was really getting to him - and not necessarily in a bad way. Tyler glances at Josh, who has a shitty smirk on his face as he takes in Tyler’s look.

“Mm, a very persistent asshole gave it to me.” Josh scoffed and rolled his eyes, slinging an arm around Tyler’s shoulders. Tyler huffed, not bothering to shrug the arm off. Josh leaned into the shorter.

“A very persistent  _ attractive  _ asshole,” Josh added, grinning when Tyler groaned in annoyance.

“You’re full of yourself.” Josh chuckles, Tyler ignores the feeling that stirs in his stomach at the sound. At any moment Josh can revert back to being mean, Tyler reminds himself, and he curses at himself for being a hopeless romantic.

“Is that why you’re wearing  _ my  _ hoodie?” Tyler furrows his brows, trying to decipher how that response was correct at all. He comes to the conclusion that Josh was just teasing him, and is about to answer but finds his mouth falling open without a response. If Tyler’s honest, he doesn’t know why he’s wearing Josh’s hoodie - he has plenty of his own to choose from, both too big and too small but out of all the ones he’d had to choose from, he’d chose Joshua’s. 

“Don’t you know it’s a bit comforting to have someone else’s jackets to wear?” Tyler plays it off, looking up to realize Josh was grinning. He looks down at the smaller boy, ignoring the glances from people walking by. His arm was still around Tyler’s shoulders, Tyler realizes, and he still doesn’t make any effort to shove it off.

“Are you saying you enjoy wearing my hoodie? You could’ve stolen Jenna’s, or even Patrick’s.”  _ Shit,  _ Tyler curses to himself. He has a point, Tyler thinks and he inhales a deep breath.

“Maybe,” Tyler responds, deciding to go with it. Joshua hums in return.

“Gotta go, sweetheart. I’ve got class.” Josh takes his arm from Tyler’s shoulders, Tyler huffs. He doesn’t pay attention to the disappointment from the lack of touch, deciding it’s because he’s cold and Josh was a human heater.

 

Tyler barely catches the wink Joshua gives him before he disappears into the school building.


	4. for "if" is purely panic, and "when" is solemn sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unknown number calls Tyler's phone on a Saturday afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop it's 4 AM

It’s currently Saturday.

Tyler sleeps in and wakes up to his phone buzzing with an unknown number calling him. He curses, reaching for his phone and hissing as he realizes he left his brightness all the way up. With a rough sigh, Tyler answers the phone.

“Rise and shine, honey.” A smooth voice says, it’s deep and Tyler groans at the sound.

“Shut up Joshua, you woke me up. It’s Saturday.” Tyler closes his eyes, listening as Josh hums on the other end. He pushes the blanket down off his chest, shivering as the cold air from his room brushed his bare chest. Tyler blinked, trying to get rid of the slight blurriness in his eyes.

“It’s 1 PM, Tyler. Nobody sleeps that late.” Tyler scoffs, rolling his eyes. He backtracks, furrowing his brows.

“How’d you get my number?” He blurts out, reaching up to aimlessly run his fingers against his scalp. Tyler inhales, realizing just how  _ warm  _ his lower half was from his blanket. It’s generally warm, the drifting scent of bacon filling the house. He knows his mom probably made some breakfast, earlier - the rest of his family had things to do over the weekend, which meant he was alone in the house for 2 days.

“Simple. Jenna gave it to me.” Tyler audibly curses, Josh raises an eyebrow. Not that Tyler could see it, “You shouldn’t curse, sweetheart. God is watching.” Tyler laughs, rolling out of bed and balancing his phone between his cheek and shoulder. He stumbles to the bathroom, hoping Josh wouldn’t hear if he took a piss.

“Shut up. What’s with the names?” Tyler tugs his boxers back up, quickly washing his hands and adventuring back to his bedroom. He threw himself back onto his bed, letting out a sigh and taking hold of the phone again.

“What? Would you prefer sugar? Princess? Baby boy, maybe?” Tyler groans, ignoring the same feeling in his stomach he’d gotten only a day or two before. “I can do either. Or all, baby boy. Your choice.” Tyler huffs, snorting before taking the phone from his ear and hanging up.

He throws the phone onto his bed, glancing at it as it began to buzz again.

 

Tyler is absolutely, positively screwed.


	5. and one invades today, while the other spies tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler decides to socialize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! underage smut will be next chapter, but it will be vague !!!

It’s 7 PM on Saturday, Tyler spends his time playing Mario Kart. It’s no fun alone, but he’s too comfortable sitting on his bedroom floor to get up and call any of his friends. Besides, they’re all boring to play with. 

He curses out loud as his phone rings, a Death Cab for Cutie song playing softly behind the sounds of Mario’s stupid ass sounds.  _ I’m gonna beat this guy’s ass,  _ Tyler thinks, looking at the screen with squinted eyes before huffing and making a small effort to grab the device that sat mere feet away. He picks it up - finally - before realizing he missed the call.

It rings again anyways, and it’s Melanie. He half expected it to be Joshua after Tyler ignored the many calls from him earlier that morning. He considers himself lucky it’s one of his friends. Regardless, he swipes right on the green button and puts the phone on speaker.

“Ty!” Melanie shouts, Tyler winces and turns down the phone volume. He returns to his game, chewing on his lip and mumbles a ‘fuck you’ as Bowser bumps into him. He notices there are shouts and laughter in the background of the call, spending a brief moment wondering where she’s at. “There’s a sick party at Ashley’s! You should come, I’ll get Jenna to pick you up!” Tyler rolls his eyes - there’s the answer to his question.

He hears a faint groan, probably for Jenna and thinks. “Mel, I’m playing Mario Kart!” He whines, she laughs into the phone. 

“You do that every weekend! Come out with us, it’s fun. Cute guys.” Tyler huffed, deciding she had him sold on  _ cute guys.  _ Plus, they’re probably all gonna be drunk - which gives him a chance to be able to look without them even noticing.

“Fine. But I’m not drinking.” He shuts off his game, reluctantly getting up off the floor with his phone and stretching. He feels satisfied at the sound his back makes, a small crack, and wonders why he agreed. That was a lie, he most definitely would have a few drinks but hung up and got dressed anyway.

There was a knock on his front door 20 minutes later.

 

As he climbed into the front seat of Jenna’s car, he began to have a really bad feeling about the rest of the night.


	6. we're surrounded, and we're hounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events are hazy, and somehow Tyler and Josh end up in a bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNDERAGE SMUT LIES AHEAD. It's not detailed at all, really.

Long story short, it’s 11:37 PM on a Saturday night and Tyler’s drunk.

He’s 16, he’s not sure how or why his friends let him drink but all he could focus on was how he was giggling stupidly at a dumb joke Joshua told to him. Immediately after entering the house - he thinks he remembers Melanie telling him it was Ashley’s place - he found he couldn’t find his friends, but it was impossible to not see the head of bright pink hair that came walking towards him.

All he remembers is Joshua saying _“Nice jacket,”_ like he always does - teasing him for wearing the bright red hoodie he’d been given by Josh. Now they’re sitting on the steps, Tyler smiling and laughing like an idiot as Josh cracks a few jokes.

They’re both drunk, unsure where they are or how they got there. Tyler leaned in, getting a better view of Joshua’s face and gasping as he realized there were small freckles dotted above his nose. Josh grinned, turning his face some.

“You’re pretty.” Tyler blurted, Josh chuckled. They were both sure they wouldn’t be this close if they were sober.

“So are you.” Tyler giggles, his eyes squinting and Josh smiles at the sight. He watches, with his vision blurred from the alcohol as Tyler’s nose scrunches, something that happens when he laughs.

It didn’t take much for everything to happen quickly - the next moments as blurry as Tyler’s vision. Tyler could hear himself giggle as Josh tripped over his feet, a shy smile on his face as he tries to not embarrass himself. Tyler curses, in the back of his mind he’s reminding himself this is Ashley’s house.

Joshua’s hands were on Tyler’s waist, they stumbled down the dimly lit hall, the glass on old photographs of Ashley and her family from events shaking from the bass of the music blasting in the living room. Tyler hits a wall - nevermind, a door - and inhales sharply at the impact on his back, Josh connects his lips to Tyler’s neck and he sucks on the skin.

There’s another couple in the hallway, Tyler thinks it’s Brendon and someone else. He’s not sure, the alcohol making his mind fuzzy. He doesn’t think as Brendon smirks, and doesn’t see or hear the snap of the camera. Probably for proof, maybe for blackmail, but he hears the doorknob twist and suddenly he’s stumbling into a clean, white bathroom.

Josh doesn’t waste any time, the door closes and his hands are _everywhere,_ Tyler can’t believe he likes it. Joshua looks up, Tyler thinks before realizing.

“Yes, yes, please.” A drunk Josh strips Tyler’s shirt, finding his way onto his knees and Tyler tilts his head back as his jeans are shoved to his knees.

Tyler’s hands find his way to Joshua’s hair.

The rest is hazy, events are thrown around in Tyler’s mind and he’s absolutely _sure_ everyone - including Brendon and the mystery man outside in the hallway, making out - can hear his cries as Josh’s hips snap to meet his.

 

Tyler is pretty sure Josh was supposed to be straight.


	7. there's no "above", or "under", or "around" it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler can't remember anything from the night before, but maybe he's sure Joshua can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the gap between chapters - been a bit busy. finally got another one done. enjoy.

When Tyler wakes up, his head hurts. There’s a warmth on his stomach, he tries to sit up and opens his eyes - wincing with the light - to find an arm draped over his waist, a warm body laying next to him on their stomach. His vision is blurry, he can taste a small alcoholic aftertaste and Tyler groans.

It doesn’t take him long to find that there’s a pain  _ somewhere else. _

Tyler gasps as a dull ache becomes prominent in his spine, realizing just how bad his legs and, well, butt aches. Of course, he panics, trying to figure out what happened but finds himself laying back down. He turns his head and stutters as he catches sight of bubblegum pink hair, eyes trailing down the familiar tattoos that take their place on the male’s arm.

Tyler can’t believe it. He fucked Joshua Dun. Not only that but as it seems, he also fucked Joshua Dun in one of Ashley Frangipane’s spare bedrooms. What the - and Tyler cannot stress this enough -  _ fuck.  _

Josh stirs beside him, Tyler tells himself to calm down. Maybe it’s not what it seems. He blames Jenna and Melanie. Mainly because as Joshua turns his head to face Tyler, his eyes barely open and a small smile playing his lips, Tyler can’t help but notice the tingling feeling in his stomach. Josh is pretty like this, Tyler can see the freckles on his back and  _ oh! Josh’s freckles!  _ Tyler remembers, and can’t resist grinning back at the pink hue beside him.

“Morning.” Josh mumbles, sleepily and Tyler tells himself this isn’t real. Because, no, Josh  _ isn’t fucking gay.  _ Joshua Dun is straight, he used to date Deborah Ann Ryan and this isn’t real because although Tyler’s gay he’s not ready to face the fact that he just fucked Joshua Dun. He doesn’t remember it, but maybe Josh does and that makes it  _ unbelievably worse.  _

Yet he still finds himself saying it back. “G’morning.” Tyler’s words are slurred, his head still pounding and he doesn’t bother moving.

Josh climbs out of bed.

Tyler is ashamed to admit that 1. he stared at Joshua’s ass (because he’s still naked and  _ goddammit  _ even he can admit Joshua’s body is hot as fuck) and 2. he missed Josh’s warmth.

Tyler curses. He tells himself he doesn’t want to remember the night before.

 

Yet he still tries to think back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	8. for "above" is blind belief and "under" is sword to sleeve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday mornings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i was gone but now im back

It’s Monday, Tyler is sick. He heaves, becoming aware that it’s 7 AM and he’s definitely missed the first bell for school. He doesn’t know where his parents are, and chills run up his spine as he bends over the toilet again.

Tyler’s phone is dead, he realizes, as he goes to turn it on. It had been buzzing all of Sunday night, the dull vibration causing it to slide some on his desk. Tyler had turned it on silent, sighing and bending down to plug it in.

His room was a mess, clothes from the day before thrown all over the floor. His mind had been racing all of Sunday, trying to figure out exactly what happened Saturday night at the party. He remembers Joshua, his lips, and the kisses - drunken, but there - and the last he remembers is stumbling into the bathroom. From there, Tyler doesn’t remember.

Tyler’s phone buzzes, signaling it’s on and he grabs it, notifications flying in and filling the screen. The most recent ones include texts and calls, all without responses. A few unknown numbers, probably ones he’d gotten from the party. Then there were Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook notifications. Tyler rolled his eyes, clicking on the texts.

 

>>

 

**Jen <3**

dude what the hell happened at that party  
i’m dead fucking serious tyler robert, what did you do?  
debby’s just as confused as i am, please text back when you have the chance

 

**_tyjo >:(_ **

jen i’m fine, i literally don’t know lmfao  
what are you so worried about?

 

<<

 

**Pepe Wentz**

duuuude, you were fkn drunk last night at the party  
i’m talkin hammered  
you did get sum too ;)

 

**_tyler_ **

i dunno what u mean man i can’t remember shit

 

>>

 

**halsey :/**

i’ve gotta buy new sheets now joseph  
you’re lucky i’m not too worried about the bathroom

 

**_ty_ **

whtevr ash i don’t even know what happened

 

<<

 

**breadbin**

_ [image attached]  
_ u and joshwa were hot last nite u kno

 

**_tylerrrrrrr_ **

brendon what the FUCK  
is that…?  
are you serious?  
you didn’t post that anywhere did you?

 

>>

 

Tyler stares at the picture, swallowing a lump in his throat. That was  _ most definitely  _ him and Josh, Josh’s lips pressed to his jaw in a desperate attempt to get more contact between the two. The image is dirty, he knows Brendon posted it somewhere. There was no point in asking.

But the thought of people seeing him like that, pressed to the door of a then-empty-bathroom - mouth open in a small moan, eyes half-lidded - had a shiver running up Tyler’s spine. He didn’t even have time to check any other messages.

Tyler ran to the bathroom, phone in hand, and threw up again.

  
  



	9. and "around" is scientific miracle, let's pick "above" and see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler can hear the whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> duuuude I'm so excited to be writing after a week or two of my laptop deciding to be a bitch - i'm sooo ready to continue this book lol

It’s Wednesday now, Tyler wasn’t at school on Tuesday but he didn’t need to be to know that the picture of jock Joshua Dun and shy Tyler Joseph making out was the talk of the school. Josh had probably ignored it, and Tyler’s suspicions were correct as he made his way through the front doors to find him making out with some blonde slut that wore too much lipstick.

There were whispers, Tyler felt sick as he avoided the pair. Jenna and the rest of the group seemed to know that they should give him space, so they all distanced themselves and Tyler was grateful. The text from his mother rung in Tyler’s head, now with updated information that his father had gotten a promotion and they were going to be away from the house for another week.

_ ‘We know you wouldn’t want to go,’  _ she had texted Tyler, and Tyler was grateful for that too. But now, as Tyler walked the halls listening to the whispers from people as they glanced at their phones - making sure that, yes, that  _ is  _ the Tyler Joseph in the picture - he was regretting not staying home.

Josh hadn’t texted or called him since Saturday night, no attempts to talk anything through and in return, Tyler had thrown the bright red hoodie into his closet in a desperate attempt to forget what he saw in that picture. To forget the burning guilt in his stomach for fucking  _ liking  _ Joshua Dun, and to forget the random flashbacks of Joshua’s lips on his skin.

Maybe red looks good on him, but the marks on his neck and chest and thighs are now purple. They’re no longer red, they’re not a reminder of anything good.

Because nothing - and I mean  _ absolutely nothing -  _ good comes from one-night stands.

 

And this is proof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ))@joshiesfreckles on twitter and instagram  
> ))catlattetm on snapchat  
> ))bandito-jishua or joshiesfreckles on tumblr
> 
> stay alive.


	10. for if and when we go “above,” the question still remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua William Dun is going to be the fucking death of Tyler Robert Joseph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii i'm so excited for what's to come of this book wtf... this chapter is kinda really short but-

It’s the last period, 7th period that Tyler needs to go to the bathroom. He raises his hand, his voice small when he realizes the teacher isn’t going to walk to him - Mr. Edmond is going to make him ask to go in front of the class. As soon as he’s given the okay, Tyler practically runs out of the room, anxiety making him feel sick.

Tyler debates waiting until the period is over, skipping the rest of the class but decides against it - his stuff is still in the classroom. He makes his way to the closest bathroom, pausing when he hears talking. Tyler’s face flushes red when he hears a whimper, choking as his ears strain and some girl - in the boy’s bathroom - moans a ‘daddy.’

Tyler curses, taking a deep breath. “Just go and get out. You can do this, don’t even pay attention.” Tyler says to himself, his hands shaking as he pushes the door open. The sick feeling returns, his anxiety heightened. Tyler realizes, as his body freezes and eyes widen, that they’re not in a stall, instead a girl (Tyler thinks it’s the same blonde girl with the bright red lipstick from earlier) is bent over one of the sinks.

And the hands grabbing her hips, Tyler realizes, are none other than Joshua Dun’s.

 

Tyler runs into a stall and gets sick.


	11. are we still in love and is it possible we feel the same?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's confidence comes from nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao tyler's a sassy smartass in this one and ngl i love it

Tyler doesn’t hear or feel much as he heaves over the toilet in the boy's bathroom, body aching and tensing as he tries to control his breathing. He does notice a hand rubbing at his back afterward, though, a figure standing beside him. Tyler stands up, wiping his mouth and scowling at the vile taste in his mouth.

He looks over, realizing Joshua was there - fully clothed - with a worried look. Tyler swats him away, furrowing his brows. “Oh, so now you’re concerned with me?” Tyler spits, ignoring the burning in his throat. Josh’s eyes trail down, he stares at the ground as Tyler scoffs. “Of course! No answer. I figured as much since you can’t seem to fucking speak to me anyway. What, we fucked, I found out you were gay, and now you’re fucking some girl  _ in the boy's bathroom?!  _ Classic.” Tyler pushes past him, Josh grabs his wrist with a growl.

“You think I’m gay? Just because of a one night stand? Pathetic. I was drunk, Joseph. It was nothing.” Tyler struggles in his grip, hissing.

“Get the fuck off of me! Oh wait, I forgot how much you  _ loved  _ to leave marks. You want proof it wasn't nothing? Why don’t I show you my hips, my thighs, my  _ chest,  _ goddammit! How ‘bout I remind you about the only thing I remember,” Tyler yanks his wrist away, “Because what I  _ do  _ remember is you telling me, and I quote, ‘You should show these marks off, baby boy, show everyone  _ you’re mine.’”  _ Tyler shouts, rubbing at his wrist. Josh rolls his eyes.

“Heat of the moment, sweetheart. You should put your small brain to use.” And Josh stumbles as Tyler’s hand comes in contact with Joshua’s cheek,  _ hard.  _ Josh stutters, Tyler glares at him angrily.

“At least I wasn’t fucking somebody I’d forget later over a fucking  _ sink.  _ Let me remind you, Joshua, that you’ll  _ never  _ forget  _ my  _ name. Because I’ll make sure you know it, and you know it well. Last I remember, you were  _ moaning  _ my name.” Tyler wasn’t sure where all his confidence came from, but as Josh went to retaliate, Tyler cut him off. “Don’t put my name in your mouth unless you wanna show some respect, Dun, because I’ll  _ always  _ be better than you. In more ways than one.”

 

And Tyler gives one last glare before walking out of the bathroom, just as the dismissal bell rings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos are appreciated  
> -  
> twitter )) @joshiesfreckles  
> tumblr )) bandito-jishua, [and] joshiesfreckles  
> snapchat )) catlattetm  
> instagram )) banditojisua, [and] joshiesfreckles  
> -  
> stay alive <3


	12. and that's when going "under" starts to take my wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh isn't gay, guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all seemed to like the last chapter lmao

Tyler Robert Joseph is sick of Joshua William Dun. 

After Tyler’s rant, and Josh’s insults, Josh had texted Tyler an apology. Tyler was going to ignore it, but thinking back to when he slapped Josh - which Tyler regretted slightly, he wasn’t one for violence - he decided he wouldn’t block Joshua’s number and would read the texts before doing anything else.

 

>>

 

**douchebag  
**

tyler, i’m sorry  
i didn’t mean for this to happen  
i’m sorry i said your brain was small and i’m sorry that i called you pathetic  
but i’m not gay, it was a one-night stand. heat of the moment. i don’t know what you remember, but i remember quite a lot  
please answer me, at least give me a chance.

 

<<

 

Tyler furrowed his brows.  _ Give him a chance? After he left me like that, even after being so casual the morning after?  _ Tyler scowls, rolling his eyes.

 

>>

 

**baby boy**

joshua, you had your chance  
you act all sweet to me, give me your stupid jacket, give me pet names, and after you fuck me you act like it’s MY fault. we were both drunk, dumbass, but even when you’re drunk you have a sense of who you’re about to fuck  
even then, the morning after you decided to play sweet with me, smile at me and talk with me like nothing was wrong  
and you’re not gay? sure. i’m not sure how many times you’ve said that, but i can see you checking out the boys that walk by you in the hallway

 

**douchebag**

i guess that was my mistake then, trying to be nice to you  
i told you i’m sorry, and you should be the one apologizing since you SLAPPED me

 

**baby boy**

i slapped you, because you deserved it  
you’re in denial, and i’m not going to try talking to you until you figure your shit out  
come back to me when you decide you’re done playing games

 

<<

 

Tyler turns off his phone, sighing. He hears it buzzing, the screen turning on with new texts from the man that got him in this situation in the first place. Tyler runs his hands through his hair, wondering why the hell everything had to be so difficult in the first place. He regrets the party, regrets getting drunk, regretting taking Joshua’s jacket.

 

That doesn’t keep him from wearing it and sleeping in it that night.


	13. but until that time, i'll try to sing this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's still wearing the hoodie, for fuck's sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on the grind today joshler stannies what about it

Tyler hasn’t talked with Jenna, Melanie, Patrick or any of his friends in a week or two. He thinks they’re giving him the distance he needs, but begins to realize they haven’t been at school either - only to find out that Jenna’s parents had taken them all on a trip halfway across the country. Why, Tyler will never know, but Jenna tells him they didn’t ask him if he wanted to go because he hadn’t been talking to them anyway.

She’s too nice, Tyler thinks, as she keeps apologizing over the phone. Tyler really doesn’t mind, he doesn’t think the group would enjoy listening to him whine over his daddy issues and how much of a bitch Josh is. However, it’s nearing spring, getting warmer, and his family is still on their vacation. 

_ ‘New York is awfully snowy. Snowstorms.’  _ Was his mom’s excuse, but he thinks they’re planning on moving somewhere else. Tyler’s 17 now, and his dad seems to like it more in New York than in his hometown of Columbus, Ohio. Tyler doesn’t mind that either - they were always distant anyway. Tyler doesn’t mind being alone, especially as he deals with Joshua Dun.

He wonders how Debby could’ve dated him for so long. He vaguely remembers her telling them that he’d been the sweetest ever and gags at the thought.  _ Really,  _ Tyler thinks,  _ He was the sweetest ever? Try him now.  _ Regardless, Tyler thinks things could have gone better. For now, it’s raining - quite hard, in fact - and Tyler had used a random shirt to clean up rain that had gotten through his previously open window.

He needs to do laundry, and he does. He goes to take off the red hoodie, pulling it off his shoulders before  _ that  _ part of his brain comes back and he realizes that if he does wash it, all of Joshua’s scent gets washed off too. 

Tyler doesn’t wash it. He puts it back on.

Just as Tyler runs the laundry, his doorbell rings. It’s a Saturday, he hasn’t invited anyone over, and Tyler briefly wonders who it is before realizing -  _ holy shit, it’s raining outside, that person is probably soaked.  _

Tyler makes his way to the front door, opening it.

 

And at his doorstep, would be - who other than - a soaking wet, out of breath Joshua Dun.


	14. if i keep moving, they won’t know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment you all have been waiting for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEEhaw

Tyler stares, Josh shivers. He can’t help but notice the small smile when Josh realizes that Tyler’s wearing the red hoodie Josh had given him - Tyler narrows his eyes. Josh thinks he’s going to slam the door in his face but instead, Tyler moves aside and lets him in.

Josh is shaking, it’s cold and he’s soaking wet and Tyler can’t help but feel bad. He sighs, walking off and Josh stands there, relieved when Tyler comes back with a towel. “Josh, why are you here?” Tyler’s voice is soft, Josh realizes he has a change of clothes with him too. 

“I-I needed to talk to you.” Josh’s teeth are chattering. Tyler helps him pull off the shirt he’s wearing, cursing as he realizes Josh wasn’t wearing a jacket - that’s why he’s so cold. Tyler keeps himself from staring as Josh strips completely, pulling on new clothes. Tyler’s lucky they fit, they’re too big for him, so he figured they’d fit Joshua. “Tyler, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was ignoring you, and I’m sorry for yelling.” Tyler stared at the ground.

“Josh, I told you-” Josh cuts him off.

“I know, Tyler. I know what you said, but I wanted to say sorry. Tyler, I was thinking about your texts, and things really don’t add up.” Josh furrows his brows. “You said that when you’re drunk, you have a sense of who you’re going to have sex with or fuck, I guess,” he chuckles, an attempt at lightening the mood, “Wh- Tyler, did you-” Tyler spins on his heels, clearing his throat.

“Josh, you should leave.” Josh stares, nearly dropping the towel Tyler gave him. 

“Tyler, I’m sorry. I didn’t think you-” Josh cuts himself off, “If I had known, I would’ve talked,  _ we  _ would have talked.” Tyler’s never heard him so quiet in the years of knowing him - even if they’d never spent much time together in the first place. He wonders if it could all change in a matter of seconds, what would happen if he said something wrong, how easily Josh’s tone could change. Josh is unpredictable anyway.

“But you’re not  _ gay,  _ Joshua. You’re not, you’ve said it.” Tyler spins, Josh looks desperate. Like he wants to say something, spill everything on his mind all at once, but can’t. He looks like he’s desperate to figure things out, and Tyler furrows his eyebrows in momentary thought.

“I-I don’t know what I am, Tyler! I’ve been told for years that- everything I know is crashing down on me, everyone expects me to be a certain way, and if that means fucking girls over the sink in the boy's bathroom then that’s what I have to do.” Josh’s voice raises in what seems to be frustration, anger, and his attention drops to his feet. 

“I can’t sit here and act like everything I do is right, but at least I’m not a disappointment. At least my parents still  _ care.  _ Jesus, I watched my cousin come out as gay and my parents haven’t talked to him since. Do you know what that’s like? _ ”  _ Josh looks reluctant to say anything, he looks like he’s barely being held together and Tyler can barely believe that Josh is opening up to him like this. 

“Josh, I can’t just  _ tell you  _ who you are, I can’t continue to be hurt by what you’re doing, and although I can understand and know what it’s like to be rejected, I can certainly tell you that you’re hurting yourself in the process. Josh, I haven’t talked to my parents in a fucking month! You’re just adding onto the stress!” Tyler finds himself getting angry, whether he’s angry at himself or Joshua, he’ll never know.

Josh shakes his head. “How many times do I have to apologize! I’m trying Tyler, I’m trying to figure things out, I am. Can you not fucking see that?” Josh spits, it sounds harsher than it was meant to. Tyler furrows his brows.

“Josh, I do see that, but it really seems like you’re not trying hard enough. You’re too scared for your own good, too scared to lose your ‘Jock Joshua Dun’ reputation, and too scared to try and fucking feel something for  _ anyone.  _ I thought that maybe you’d learn something about yourself after that one night stand since you seemed to know what you were doing but I was wrong! You’re the same, you’ve always been the same. Since elementary school, since middle school, and I have a feeling it won’t fucking change even past high school.” Tyler spits, Josh is silent.

“I’m not fucking scared, Joseph. I’m anything but, because if I was, I wouldn’t have kissed you that night, and I wouldn’t have fucking  _ enjoyed  _ listening to you moan my goddamn name!” Josh is shouting, Tyler stares. Josh freezes, his eyes filling up with tears as he gets frustrated.

“Josh-”

And Josh is suddenly in front of him, cutting him off. Tyler gasps.

 

But he’s really not ashamed to say that he kissed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay alive, i love you <3


	15. i'll morph to someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're not dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> underage smut lol sorry got carried away  
> not too detailed plus tyler's like, 17 so it's not really too underage

Tyler’s pressed against the wall, it’s cold but Josh’s lips are warm, on his neck, his chest and it feels like Josh was never cold at all - his body is radiating heat. Tyler’s mind is foggy, Josh’s scent taking over his senses and it makes his knees weak as they shake against Josh’s hips.

Tyler wants this, there’s not a doubt in his mind, and maybe they’re going too fast - but he thinks Joshua  _needs_ this, needs the touch from someone he maybe feels some attraction too. Tyler hopes Josh likes him that way, and by the way he presses against Tyler - a soft growl leaving his lips - he guesses his hopes were and are real.

Tyler’s eyes trace the ceiling, before they close, as Josh sucks at his neck - it’s 5 PM, maybe, and Tyler can’t help as he tugs at Josh’s pink hair. It’s so faded, Tyler thinks about how much he’d love to help redye it, thoughts filling his brain as Josh grinds against him. Tyler realizes that he’s being dropped on his bed moments later, or maybe it was minutes - Tyler can’t remember, but Josh is kissing him.

It’s not rough, Josh pauses in the middle and tells Tyler that he’s going to try to take it slow, and Tyler nods, Josh is kissing him again and  _fuck,_ Tyler swears not even Jenna kissed him like that - back when they fucking  _dated_ in middle school. Josh is naked now, Tyler shivers as his own clothes are removed.

Everything’s hazy, his mind and heart racing miles per minute and Josh presses himself close as he pushes into Tyler, whispers of praise leaving his lips that Tyler will  _definitely_ remember later. And maybe it’s that Josh is taking it slow and that he cares, or that Tyler’s mind is playing tricks on him, but he feels so loved and they’re not even dating.

Tyler moans, Josh’s name on his tongue as he cums, Josh following with a groan and Josh kisses him again.

They’re not dating, but Josh still says ‘I love you.’  
  


Tyler repeats it back to him.


	16. what they throw at me's too slow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeeehaw

Josh wakes up, a content sigh leaving his lips. The back of his mind shouts that it’s so  _ wrong  _ as Tyler - who’s radiating a calming warmth, hair a mess and a sleepy smile gracing his features - looks up at him, rolling to straddle his stomach. They’re both in their boxers - Tyler’s not sure whether or not the ones he’s wearing are Joshua’s or his. Josh’s thumbs trace Tyler’s thighs, rubbing circles and Tyler wipes his eyes tiredly.

“Morning.” Tyler grins, Josh chuckles. Tyler can’t help himself, he leans down and slots their lips together. Josh’s hands move to grip Tyler’s hips, his tongue gliding across the younger’s lower lip before turning them over. A small gasp leaves Tyler’s lips as he’s pressed into the gray sheets on his bed, Josh chuckling slightly at the soft whine that left Tyler’s lips as they parted.

Despite everything else that had happened, Tyler finds it in himself to enjoy Joshua’s company - Josh’s body is warm, he leans down to kiss at the marks he’d left the previous night. Tyler closes his eyes, falling asleep again as Joshua’s hands rub at his thighs - rubbing up to his hips and back down.

“Don’t fall asleep on me now, sweetheart.” Tyler sighs, remembering where he is and becoming aware of everything again with the return of the nickname Josh had given him at the start of everything. 

“Wish I could sleep forever. You’re warm.” Josh chuckles, Tyler’s body turns pink as Joshua kisses his cheek and then softly on the lips. Josh hopes that, with every kiss, it’ll make Tyler forgive him - and although he knows everyone’s going to be disappointed in him, Joshua tells himself this is the first step to becoming a seperate, independent person.

 

Joshua William Dun swears he’s not the same person as he’s always been.


	17. i'll morph to someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the week, and Tyler's happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> m'back. got my laptop fixed. thank god.

Tyler's back at school on Monday, a freshly cleaned red hoodie thrown on over his shirt (which still smells like Josh, by the way, probably because they'd been cuddled up on the couch while he was wearing it). Jenna and the rest of his friends were back on Wednesday, and Jenna had been curious over the situation with Joshua.

Tyler hadn't told her much, other than they'd made up, and that Josh wasn't as bad as he had seemed before. She, of course, had scoffed. She'd gotten used to the complaining and drama from Tyler. To her, it seemed stupid that Josh hurt him and then continued to act as if nothing happened.

Regardless, as Tyler makes his way to the front of the school building, an arm finds its way around his shoulders. He looks over and sighs contently when he realizes it’s just Josh, who was smiling at him. “Hey, angel.” He greets, Tyler grins.

“Hey.” Tyler pauses, “You’re not… nervous, or anything, to be seen like this? With me?” Tyler asks quietly, glancing around at the people who are looking at them. There aren’t many, and Josh stops him from walking any further. Tyler furrows his eyebrows, giving a questioning glance to the other male.

“I’m okay. For now, I guess,” He takes a breath, “Don’t be worried. Even if I am… which I am, a bit…” He chuckles, “But that’s not the point. I’m ready for this. If I’m not, I’ll tell you. We’ll work things out, right?” Josh gives Tyler a smile, and Tyler returns with the same gesture.

“Yeah, we’ll work it out. But if we don’t hurry, I’m gonna be late.” Josh nods and hesitates before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Tyler’s cheek, the shorter blushing. Josh grins and winks, running off and calling after Brendon, who was apparently watching them with a dumbfounded look on his face.

 

Tyler stares after him, a fond look on his face, before running off inside the building.


	18. i'm just a ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's tired.

It’s Wednesday, and it’s a bit colder. It’s finally spring, but there’s still a chill to the air. Tyler has the red hoodie around his waist, having taken it off before Josh wrapped his arm around Tyler. The shorter was tired after staying up nearly all night, leaning into his unofficial boyfriend as he tried to stay awake.

“Sweetheart, you need your sleep.” Josh scolds, rubbing Tyler’s hip. Tyler rolls his eyes.

“Joshie, I’m fine. I promise. I just have so much to study for.” Tyler yawns, Josh sighs.

“I’m coming over tonight, Tyler. You’re going to sleep, even if I have to drag your ass to bed.” Tyler hums, sighing at the thought of cuddling Josh. He missed having Josh over, and Tyler’s parents had said they’re staying in New York until next year. Tyler knows they’re probably going to start over.

Josh is chatting with Brendon and his other friends, including a smiling Ashley - who is internally screaming at how Tyler leans into Josh for support. There’s a squeal and Tyler’s eyes flutter before he’s being tackled, whining.

“Tyler!” Tyler opens his eyes to see a smiling Jenna, a soft smile tugging at his own lips. “I haven’t seen you in weeks! How’ve you been? I mean, I know how you’ve been but-” Jenna cuts herself off, pulling Tyler to his feet and frowning when he rubs his eyes.

“Hi, Jen,” He smiles, yawning. “M’tired, but I’m excited to see you too.” He reassures her, Jenna ‘tsks.’ He knows she’s about to lecture him on sleep, but Josh butts in. He’d been more confident with the PDA thing, Tyler had noticed, but he didn’t mind. He knows Joshua is still struggling with accepting himself, but he does a  _ damn good  _ job of not showing it.

“Sweetheart, you’ve got class. You all can talk later. Brendon’s dragging me off.” He leans down to kiss Tyler’s cheek, whispering a ‘Love you,” into his ear with a smile. Tyler hums, saying an ‘I love you too,’ quietly back and reluctantly letting him go. Jenna drags him into the school building, Tyler doesn’t think he sees Debby, Patrick or Melanie behind them.

 

Tyler barely stays awake through the day.


	19. i'll morph to someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh tells Tyler he should sleep.

Joshua’s fingers work into Tyler’s shoulders, the male whimpering softly at the contact. He’s so tired, but itching to get everything done, and Josh reaches over to close Tyler’s textbooks. He’s stressing over his finals, and Tyler whines. He tries to open the book again, but Josh’s hand is firm on the cover.

“Come to bed, Ty.” He says softly, Tyler shakes his head. “If you do, we can make out for a little?” Josh suggests, grinning when a defeated sigh leaves Tyler’s lips. Josh steps back as Tyler scoots his chair out, walking past Josh and climbing into his bed. Josh follows him, gripping Tyler’s chin between his pointer finger and thumb before connecting their lips.

Tyler’s body practically melts into Josh’s, his hand reaching up to swirl Josh’s still-faded pink hair between his fingers. Josh’s body is between Tyler’s thighs, hands holding them in place against his thighs and Josh is so  _ warm  _ as Tyler whimpers softly into his mouth.

Josh pulls away and Tyler flutters his eyes shut, “You really like when I kiss you, huh?” Josh chuckles softly, Tyler blushes and nods. “Go to sleep, Ty.” Josh rolls off of Tyler, pulling his unofficial boyfriend to his chest.

“I love you, Joshie.” Tyler mumbles, sleepily, and Josh looks at the clock.  _ 9:15. _

 

“I love you too, angel.”


	20. defense mechanism mode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've all been waiting for x2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey like this one owo

It’s finally Saturday, and Tyler’s stressed about  _ something.  _ Joshua can tell, and he knows it’s not just finals this time - it’s something a bit more serious, and that realization came the night before (Friday night) when Tyler didn’t say an ‘I love you’ back. It didn’t hurt Josh much, Tyler’s just stressed, but it did worry him.

“Ty? Babe?” Josh speaks up, knowing Tyler’s typing something on his laptop. Tyler hums, Josh sees him rub at his forehead. “Can we talk?” He hears a sharp inhale and Tyler scoots out of his chair, spinning to meet Josh’s eyes. His brown eyes are wide, already glossy.

“Are we breaking up? What happened? Are you regret-” Josh’s eyes widen and he stutters.

“No, no, Ty. We just need to talk. You’re really stressed, angel, and I wanna help you out but I can’t when I don’t know what’s bothering you.” Tyler takes a deep breath, and Josh wonders if he even  _ could  _ break up with Tyler. They’re not officially dating. Josh pats the bed next to him, and Tyler hesitates before climbing up and sitting across from him, crisscrossed.

“Uhm,” Tyler clears his throat, blushing.

“What’re you so stressed about, sweetheart?” Tyler hums, picking at his fingernails. He’d painted them black, but now the polish had chipped off and they looked a bit dumb. In his eyes anyway. Josh had said he’d loved them.

“There’s just… My parents said they’re not coming back until  _ next year,  _ but I don’t really think they’re coming back,” Tyler stares at the blanket underneath him, suddenly feeling embarrassed, “I haven’t seen Mel, Patrick,  _ or  _ Debby. I’ve only seen Jenna. She acts like there’s nothing wrong, but I just don’t feel right, and,” Tyler hesitates.

“And what, Ty? You can tell me.” Tyler clears his throat, shyly meeting Josh’s glaze, and Josh tilts his head. Tyler thinks he might die, maybe of embarrassment, maybe from what the fuck Josh just did, and maybe from stress.

“It’s stupid, but,” Tyler’s eyes shift, “I-I’ve been waiting for you to ask me to be your… ya know,” Tyler looks at his hands, “boyfriend.” He finishes, Josh blinks. Sure, he knew they weren’t dating, but he figured it would just  _ happen.  _ Now that he thinks about it, Josh realizes it’s dumb that he thought that.

“Well, I can take care of one thing.” Tyler swallows the lump in his throat, biting his cheek nervously.

“Huh?” He questions, meeting Josh’s eyes. Josh takes Tyler’s hand into his and kisses his knuckles, Tyler’s face is beet red.

 

“Tyler Joseph,” Josh smiles, “Will you be my boyfriend?”


	21. he’ll always try to stop me, that nicholas bourbaki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is frozen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter twenty øne dudes. this chapter is unexpected but draaaamaaaaa

Tyler’s at school again, Wednesday, searching anxiously for Patrick, Melanie, or even Debby. He hasn’t seen them, and whenever he brings it up to Jenna she avoids the questions. He’s worried, they’re not answering their phones and haven’t been for 2 weeks. 

Jenna continues to reassure him, telling him  _ “They’re fine! Probably just sick!”  _ but Tyler doesn’t think they’re sick. Regardless, the day is slow and even Joshua isn’t at school. He walks home, tense and tired, opening his front door with his keys like he normally does. He gasps and drops his stuff out of surprise when he spots Joshua sitting on the couch, his backpack ditched by the door.

“Tyler, hey.” Josh seems anxious about something, looking at his boyfriend as Tyler picks up his stuff and sets it to the side. “How was school?” Tyler chuckles, rubbing his tired eyes.

“You sound like my dad. Why weren’t you at school? I was looking-” Josh cuts him off, clearing his throat.

“Tyler, there’s something going on. I wanted you to hear it from me, first. I tried running to catch up to you before you left, but I didn’t make it,” Josh pauses, “I got your spare key. From under the plant. I figured I’d wait for you.” Tyler furrows his brows, opening his mouth to say something, nothing comes out, so he tries again.

“What’re you talking about? What’s going on?” Josh gets up, and Tyler watches as he swallowed thickly and grabs the remote from the table. Tyler’s starting to sweat now, his anxiety acting up. What’s happening? Why did Josh find it so important that he stayed here all day? He hears Josh take a deep breath.

Tyler furrows his brows when the news comes on,  _ “Teens have been going missing for the last few weeks, Detective Weekes states in an interview. He says it’s become a problem, and that he’s working to solve the case.”  _ Tyler’s knees shake under him. Missing? Teens? He gasps, his ears ringing. Jenna’s been so weird lately, does she know about this?

Tyler’s stares at the T.V., and suddenly he’s frozen, time and space stuck around him. His body feels numb, he can’t stand, but he’s not falling. Josh is there, and as Tyler looks around him, he realizes that somehow he’s standing on his own.

Right there, on the screen, are 3 pictures.

 

Melanie, Patrick, and Debby.


	22. he's got no friends close but those who know him most know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo

Tyler doesn’t remember throwing up, but now Josh is holding him and he’s crying. His mind is spinning, maybe he passed out. He thinks that’s what happened, they’re on his living room floor. How long had Jenna known? Does Jenna even know? Why has she been acting weird?

Tyler vaguely hears Josh whisper “It’s okay, Ty, you’re okay,” but Tyler’s focusing on the rain outside. It’s storming, the weather matches everything in his life right now. His mind travels to when Josh had arrived at his door, soaking wet with an apology on his tongue. That seemed so distant now, where Tyler’s curled up in his boyfriend’s arms.

Tyler hiccups, the news station goes on about the same stories as earlier, with the weatherman going on about the storm.  _ “It’s certainly unexpected. This wasn’t planned, and I don’t even think we knew it was coming at all.”  _ He’s saying, but Tyler can barely hear him over his own heartbeat.

“Angel, it’s 5:30. Can you hear me?” Tyler nods, it’s already dark. There’s barely a light shining in through the windows, highlighting all the family photos. It’s shining on the T.V. barely, dim light flashing over the gray carpet his mom had picked out.  _ “It’s perfect!”  _ She had said, Tyler doesn’t know if he misses her.

“What happened, Joshie? Where are they? Why didn’t Jenna fucking  _ tell me!”  _ Josh shushes him, Tyler’s yelling. His mind goes back to all the apologies when Jenna had said they’d forgotten him. If he went, would he have been taken with them? Would he have ever seen Josh again?

“I don’t know, Tyler. She’s been avoiding the questions for 2 weeks. I’m gonna call into the police.” Tyler whimpers as he gets up, his arms empty. It’s now he realizes he’s wrapped in a blanket, but he’s still shaking from the cold. It’s nowhere near chilly though, and Tyler wonders where all the blood in his body went.

 

Tyler barely hears Josh call the police.


	23. he goes by nico, he told me i'm a copy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Act like everything's fine, and move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> duuuuude this storyline is FUCKED already lmfao

There are flashing lights on Tyler’s street now, Tyler’s neighbors are looking out their windows as a nearly too tall man steps from his car. It’s black, lights on the inside rather than on the outside. The flashing stops, and when he knocks, Josh is too busy comforting Tyler.

Tyler doesn’t like police, he doesn’t like being around them. They make him anxious, and his anxiety doesn’t get better when Josh leaves him to answer the door. He hears a  _ “Hey, I’m detective Weekes. You said you had someone who knew the kidnapped teens?”  _ There are  footsteps and Josh is next to him again.

“This is Tyler. He, uh,” Josh pauses, “Didn’t know about them until today. Neither did I. Kinda surprised us both.” Josh chuckles, Tyler can tell he’s nervous too. Tyler’s head is spinning and he doesn’t realize he’s moving to sit on the couch until his legs curl into a criss-cross position.

“Hi, Tyler.” Tyler sees he’s smiling, “I’m Detective Weekes. I’m just gonna ask some questions, see what you know. Do you know anyone who would want to hurt the victims?” Tyler winces at  _ victims,  _ his best friends were kidnapped and they wouldn’t even call them by their names. Tyler curses under his breath.

“No. I don’t. And they have names.” Even Tyler himself is shocked, and Josh rubs his shoulder. He knows Josh doesn’t like this either, and he wishes he could be taken back to when they’d been cuddled up in bed together, laughing with sleepy smiles. Now Joshua’s touch seems cold, his boyfriend is tense as he tries to get Tyler through it.

The detective clears his throat, “Anybody around you acting suspiciously? Was someone else on the trip with them?” Josh breathes a sigh next to him and Tyler knows how bad he wants to say something. Probably tell Tyler it’s okay, and that Jenna’s probably innocent. But even Tyler won’t believe that now, he’s betrayed and his family practically walked out on him.

“Jenna. Jenna Black. She was on the trip with them. With her parents, I think. She said she forgot to ask me to go, and kept apologizing, but she’s my best friend so I didn’t mind. I hadn’t seen Patrick, Melanie, or Debby for weeks. She returned but they didn’t. Debby was her girlfriend.” It all comes out before Tyler can stop, and as Detective Weekes writes it down, Tyler finds himself chewing on his cheek. Should he have ratted her out? Yes, if she was guilty, at least Tyler would know he did something right.

“Okay, I’ll look into that,” Tyler inhales sharply at the thought of Jenna being questioned, “Anything else? How old are you, Tyler?” Weekes looks up, Tyler catches a small plate on his shirt that says  _ Dallon.  _

“I’m 17. 18 in December. Nothing else.” Tyler wants this over with, and both him and Josh breathe a sigh of relief when he stands up. He can sit on the floor and play Mario Kart like he always did after school. Tyler can act like Melanie’s going to call him halfway through a match, inviting him to a party. He’ll reluctantly say yes, get drunk, and he’ll hook up with Josh.

 

But that just means this nightmare Tyler’s living through will repeat.


	24. when i'd hear him mock me that's almost stopped me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's so normal, isn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heheh

Tyler doesn’t go back to school the next day. Josh doesn’t either, his arm wrapped securely around Tyler’s stomach. Tyler can feel Josh’s bare chest pressed against his back, Joshua’s breath calm on the back of his neck. For a moment, it all seems normal. Tyler’s sheer white curtains barely block the sunlight, filtering it and they blow as a breeze reaches them.

It’s all quiet, Tyler’s fan blowing in the corner of the room and Josh’s soft snores are the only thing other than the birds outside that Tyler can hear. It’s around 8 AM, Tyler sighs through his nose when Josh kisses his neck slightly.

“Morning, sweetheart.” It’s all so bittersweet, how normal things can seem, even when Tyler’s life is crumbling around him. Tyler hums back a response, the warmth of Joshua’s body still making him sleepy. His phone doesn’t ring, it doesn’t interrupt anything, and nobody knocks on the door. It’s just them - and Tyler wonders if this is the universe giving them a break.

Tyler rolls onto his back, and Josh is still on his side, fingers reaching up to brush through Tyler’s messy hair. “How can everything seem so,” Tyler searches for the word, “Okay, when it isn’t?” Josh exhales through his nose.

“I guess even we get a break, huh?” Josh has the same thought as Tyler, and he leans forward to kiss the shorter. Tyler gladly accepts the kiss, Josh’s hands working his sides. “Let me take care of you, hm?” Josh hums, moving to straddle his boyfriend’s hips. Tyler’s breath quickens as Josh’s fingers brush his chest, palms warm against his skin.

“Okay,” Tyler whispers, Josh grins.

“Okay?” Josh repeats, making sure.

 

“Yeah,” Tyler tilts his head back, Josh leans down and kisses at his neck, “Okay.” Tyler gasps, and then he’s gone.


	25. well we're surrounded and we're hounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trust those around you, even when you don't know how to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might fuck around and 💫fast forwards a few months💫 after this chapter

The principal reaches out to Tyler after he’s absent for the rest of the week.  _ It’s okay,  _ Mr. Linkinson typed,  _ the police have gotten in contact with us. Your absences are excused.  _ Tyler had been relieved, thanking God that exams had passed just as everything had happened. School ends in nearly 2 weeks now, Tyler wonders what Josh is doing for the summer. 

Josh had gone to school - he said Brendon was worried. Tyler’s phone had been spammed with texts from Jenna, asking where he is, but Tyler ignored her. He wasn’t sure if he could trust her, and suddenly he felt so alone. Part of him worried if Josh was going to leave him like everyone else, like his family. He hoped  _ he  _ wouldn’t be the one to leave, and Tyler tells himself to keep that hope with him for as long as he can.

Tyler cries like he always does when he’s alone, he cries over the friends that had been taken and over his family that had left him. He cries over every argument he’s ever had that led him here, and he cries over every failure he’s had to deal with. 

The world is falling apart around him, his best friend is a suspect in the kidnapping of his other closest friends, his family walked out, and his boyfriend is the only one left to keep him up. Tyler doesn’t want to use him as a crutch, either, and he worries about how everything is going to play out. 

 

Tyler doesn’t know how to trust people anymore, it seems.


	26. there's no above or a secret door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running, and your head's no longer above water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry.

Tyler’s breath is white as he tracks through the forest, shivering with each call of his best friends names. It’s December now, he’s 18 and his best friends have been missing for 7 months. He’d almost learned to live without them, it seems, as he tries to think back to the last time he truly saw them.

“Mel? Patrick?” Tyler calls, and he hears Joshua calling somewhere in the distance. Tyler can’t make out what he’s saying, but they’re the only ones that went this way, so he tries to find the direction of where his boyfriend’s voice is coming from. He finds it, swatting away the bare branches of trees that are dusted with a light layer of snow.

Tyler finds himself near a frozen lake, his limbs shaking in the cold. He finds Josh, standing. Tyler calls out to him, “Josh! What were you saying?” But Josh doesn’t respond, instead, he mouths something and Tyler gets closer to hear him. “What?” Tyler sees the knife pressed to his boyfriend’s throat too late.

Josh can barely make out a “run” before Tyler’s turning around, his eyes not catching who held his lover captive. It’s snowy, Tyler doesn’t know where he’s stepping before he’s sliding, his eyes widening in panic when he realizes he ran onto the frozen lake. He sees a flash of two people fighting to get to him before he’s falling.

 

Cold water makes his body numb within seconds, and Tyler’s out like a light.


	27. what are we here for?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**month 1**

 

Tyler’s suffocating, he can’t breathe.


	28. if not to run through all our tormentors?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**month 5**

 

Joshua is searching for him, his other half, and in the process he finds the remains of a torn up pink sweater in the forest.

He doesn’t touch it.


	29. but until that time i'll try to sing this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence.

**month 6**

 

“Jenna Black, you’re under arrest for the attempted murder of Joshua Dun and the kidnapping of Patrick Stump, Melanie Martinez, Deborah Ryan, and Tyler Joseph. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.”


	30. if i keep moving, they won't know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**month 8**

 

“Where are they?” His voice is loud, and in the other room, Josh flinches.

“I won’t tell you.” She hisses, Joshua scowls.


	31. i'll morph to someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**month 12**

 

The detectives tell Josh to let him go. He refuses.

Tyler is still missing, so are Melanie, Patrick, and Debby. Tyler would be 19 now. He can’t let go. He worked too hard on their relationship for this.

He can’t let go. He goes back into the forest.


	32. lights they blink to me, transmitting things to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence.

**month 13**

 

Joshua is in the forest. He goes every day and sits by the lake. It’s January, and oddly enough, it’s warmer than it had been last year. Josh isn’t wearing a coat. If he dies, oh well. Let him die.

Josh calls another search team at this moment. He knows Tyler’s not gone. He can’t be. He’s too strong for that. After everything Tyler’s worked for, Josh knows he can’t let go like this. He’s not dead. Tyler isn’t dead.

 

The search begins again. 


	33. ones and zeroes, ergo this symphony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence has spoken.

**month 14**

 

“East.”

“What?”   


“East is up.” And that’s all she says.


	34. anybody listening? ones and zeroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 15 months.

March. 

It’s March when Josh gets the call, and Josh runs. His feet hurt, he rolls his ankle and stumbles, but he’s running until he sees the sirens and he darts through the crowd, tripping over people and bumping into others.

Joshua can’t breathe, but he’s through the police tape and he can’t see anything through the tears, he can’t hear the call of his own parents.

Josh sees him, and he’s there, by his side. Tyler’s crying, Josh is too tired to even breathe, and Josh has waited for 15 months, but his lips are on Tyler’s and the world is spinning. Josh thinks he might pass out, the breeze biting at his skin and Tyler’s skin is so  _ cold  _ as Josh’s fingertips brush his cheek.

It’s been 15 months, Josh’s parents storm off in a hurry when they see the boy they raised kissing another  _ boy. _

It’s been 15 months since he’s seen Tyler, but 2 years since they got together.

“Tyler, God you’re so cold,” he’s babbling, and Tyler’s so skinny, but Josh pulls off his hoodie - the red one he’d given Tyler so long ago, and the police are trying to get them to move but Tyler’s clinging to Josh’s chest.

Josh kisses him again, “Tyler,” he whispers.

“Josh,” Tyler croaks, Josh laugh cries.

 

“Marry me.”


	35. count to infinity, ones and zeroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deeply spoken silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back motherfuckers here to ruin your emotions a few more times. 4 more chapters left and then we're done.

Josh’s fingers track through Tyler’s hair, tears burning his eyes. His boyfriend -  _ fiancé -  _  is laying on his chest again after so long, clinging to him for dear life, his thin fingers clutching at Josh’s shirt. Josh can feel Tyler’s hip bones digging into his skin, he’s so skinny.

Josh doesn’t want to leave this moment, he wants everything to stay the same. He could live forever, here - with Tyler in his arms. Joshua tells himself he’s not going to let go. Tyler’s wearing his hoodie, the red one, and Josh runs his thumb over Tyler’s defined cheekbone. Any longer out there and Tyler would’ve died, they’d said, and Jenna had locked Tyler in a cabin.

Patrick, Debby, and Melanie were found only hours later, in a place just 20 yards behind where Tyler had been hidden. Josh’s fingers stutter as Tyler stirs, his eyes fluttering open. Tyler leans into Josh’s touch, his breath tickling Josh’s chest even though he’s wearing a shirt and hoodie.

“Joshie?” Josh nearly cries, he missed Tyler so much.

“I’m here, angel.” Tyler’s breathing changes in the slightest, pushing up on Josh’s chest to situate himself so he’s straddling his fiancé. Josh looks up at him, Tyler’s face so much different then last time Josh saw him, but it’s still Tyler. “I missed you, so much.” Tyler’s lips tug into a tired grin.

“Yeah, I know. What’d I get on my finals?” Tyler laughs, Josh wants to cry at the sound. He can’t help but chuckle, Tyler leans down and presses his forehead to Josh’s neck. “I love you,” Tyler says, it’s the first time Josh has heard it in  _ years.  _

 

“I love you more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @lonelydxnce
> 
> stay alive.


	36. not done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh 3 more chapters. i realized i've skipped lyrics, but they're repeats.

Melanie is still really thin, Tyler thinks as his fingers brush the sleeves of suits. She’s overly happy, excited everything worked out between him and Joshua. All thoughts of the months in captivity blow away in the breeze of the warm summer air, replaced with excited smiles and thoughts of  _ if I hadn’t invited him to that party, he wouldn’t be here!  _

Tyler appreciates her company, he’s missed her, and he wishes they had been locked together - at  _ least.  _ His mind spins sometimes with the thought that his former best friend isn’t going to be at his wedding, but he busies himself with wedding plans. Any spare time he has is taken up by Debby, who is always caught up in herself and enjoying the ability to breathe fresh, free air again.

Tyler’s fingers pause at a suit, it’s red, and his lips turn up into a smile at it. It looks nice, and he wonders what it would look like on him. He’s tried all different colors of suits - courtesy of Brendon, who has way too many of them for his own good - but never red, __ and his thought drags on to find the memory of when Josh first gave Tyler his hoodie. 

 

_ Red has always looked good on me. _


	37. not done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a ceremony for the silence that cost everyone something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more! AAAAaa

When they see each other for the last time before the wedding, it’s with teary eyes. Tyler’s gaining weight now, he’s healthier, and although you can see his ribs, Joshua doesn’t mind. Josh tried not to cry when he rubbed at Tyler’s cheeks, planting a soft kiss on his lips. 8 hours until the wedding.

Tyler, of course, is anxious without Joshua, and Patrick reassures him he’ll be fine as he adjusts the red suit jacket on Tyler’s shoulders. Melanie and Debby are worried about cold feet, but it’s Tyler who tells them that he’s sure. He wants to spend the rest of his life with Joshua, with the man who had convinced him that people can change.

There’s a knock on the door and Brendon enters, a smile gracing his face. He swats everyone out, straightening Tyler’s tie. “He’s excited. Wants to see you.” Tyler smiles, he yearns to see his soon-to-be husband. Instead of speaking, he nods, biting on his cheek.

“M’a bit nervous. No cold feet though.” Tyler chuckles, nervous is an  _ understatement.  _ His mind swims with anxiety fueled thoughts of  _ what if he says no? What if someone objects?  _ but he can’t help it. Brendon hums.

“Josh is nervous too. Don’t worry,” Brendon pauses, “Are you gonna be walked down the aisle?” He has a smug grin, and Tyler shrugs. His family abandoned him and hasn't reached out since he’d gone missing. That includes everyone except his siblings of course, who had informed him that his parents didn’t want to have to deal with Tyler anymore.

“Dunno. Josh’s parents didn’t exactly approve of this relationship, and mine kinda.. left.” Tyler swallows a lump in his throat.

“I’ll walk you down, man. It’ll be my honor.” Brendon holds out his elbow, and Tyler chuckles, locking his arm with Brendon’s. He takes a deep breath, holding back a smile.  _ You’ve got this. _

 

“Alright.”


	38. not done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> silence long gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh BOY there's ONE MORE.

Tyler’s fingers grab at Brendon’s anxiously when they leave the room, and a gasp comes from Tyler’s lips because it’s  _ beautiful.  _ Yellow flower petals blow across Tyler’s feet with the breeze, it’s an outdoor wedding. He can feel the aisle under him, pinned to the wooden floor of the pavilion they’re on.

It’ll make for beautiful pictures, Tyler thinks, gazing at the attending people. Brendon nudges Tyler’s shoulder, and  _ oh,  _ there’s Maddie and Jay. They’re smiling, he didn’t know they were coming. A few high school friends, distant family that is still in contact. There are Melanie, Ashley, and Patrick, who all stand on Tyler’s side. Patrick nearly falls over when Ashley nudges him a little too hard, making him pay attention.

On the other side is Pete, Ryan, and Dallon. They look nice in suits, Tyler thinks, and his eyes meet Joshua’s. He’s wearing a blue suit, it’s so nice on him, and his hair is  _ red,  _ matching Tyler’s suit. This hadn’t been coordinated, and Josh smiles wide at the sight of Tyler in red. Josh is crying almost instantly, Tyler notices, a nervous shaking to his hand as he tries to hide it.

It’s all so pretty, and Tyler thanks Brendon when he returns to his spot next to Joshua. Tyler bites his cheek when he grabs Joshua’s hands, taking in a shaky breath.

“Dearly beloved,” the priest says, and Tyler’s heart is so loud in his ears he can barely hear him speak, “We are gathered here today,” Tyler tunes it all out, admiring the way Joshua’s suit fits him today.

 

Yeah. No cold feet.


	39. josh dun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> speak now or forever hold your peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last one ;( so sad.

Josh’s fingers lock with Tyler’s, they share smiles, and Josh twists the ring on Tyler’s finger. It’s silver, engraved with black, and Tyler loves it. He loves Joshua, who’s staring at him lovingly, and everything comes full circle to  _ this moment.  _ Everything he’s dealt with - kidnappings and fights and everything in between wraps back up  _ here,  _ where he finally belongs to one person forever.

When Josh speaks, his voice cracks a few times, clearing his throat. He finishes with a teary-eyed  _ “I love you, so much,”  _ and Tyler barely hears him, speaking after the priest. Everything’s a blur, Tyler’s head is spinning, and Josh squeezes his hands.

Tyler’s heart pounds, “I do.” He hears Joshua say, and it’s all down to this moment. Tyler wants to laugh and cry at the same time when the priest speaks,  _ “Do you, Tyler Joseph, take Joshua Dun, to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness in health?”  _ Tyler smiles.

“I do.” 

Tyler’s knees almost buckle when Josh kisses him, his fingers brushing Tyler’s cheekbones, the clapping in the crowd drowned out by  _ Joshua,  _ whose hand is wrapped tightly around both of his. The man he loves is kissing him, so lovingly, and now Tyler is  _ his,  _ after everything.

 

Joshua William Dun has changed not only Tyler Robert Dun, but himself too.


	40. morphed to someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a final goodbye.

Hey! So, I’m not one for extra chapters, but if you’re here - you finished this trainwreck. Thanks for reading. This story turned out to be completely different than what I had planned, and it worked out in such a  _ weird way.  _ I’m thankful for all the (votes/kudos depending on if you’re reading on wattpad or ao3) and comments. They make my day.

I’d like to thank Wattpad user  _ sophiaistired  _ because she’s been an endless support with comments in this process. Couldn't do it without you. Thanks.

I’d also like to thank Jacey, who has supported me with all my Joshler books I’ve written - she continues to inspire me  _ and  _ get me through my darkest of times. I love you, dude.

This book took a month or two to write, and I love every messed up bit of it. If you want to see the face behind the writing, you can check out my instagram or twitter - @lonelydxnce. Thank you.

 

Take care of yourselves, stay alive.

 

**List of all my social medias;

Twitter - @lonelydxnce

Instagram - @lonelydxnce, @joshiesfreckles

Tumblr - bandito-jishua, joshiesfreckles

Snapchat - catlattetm

Find me in those places, and send in story ideas on my tumblr(s)!**

 

 

Keep moving.

_ Joshua _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you guys want a sequel? let me know what you would want to see if i did make one.


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